Let’s say that the most horrific creature ever created were about to be unleashed on a unsuspecting public. Someone must be notified and called into action. Frankenstein’s Monster, you see, is white. Not Caucasian, mind you, I’m talking about horribly horrific bento box white and if that’s not bad enough, he’s slowly beginning to turn green. Someone must stop this agonizing creep of color from infecting the entirety of the monster. The call goes out, and our hero prepares himself. Four-foot ghosts and six-foot spiders will need to be leaped and dodged, so some sturdy American blue jeans and steel-toed brown work boots should do the trick. What type of head-gear is appropriate for monster hunting? Mario and his red cap are inseparable. Master Chief doesn’t ever take that damn helmet off. The Belmonts would appear to buck the trend, oozing machismo as they gad about topless. On closer inspection, you’ll notice that each and every one of them suffers a family curse far worse than the oblivious one. Male pattern baldness. Always the ingenious types, those Belmont’s hair pieces double as head protection of the highest order. Such is the case with the hero of Frankenstein’s Monster. On the surface, his baby blue engineer’s cap would make a lot more sense on a box of margarine, but don’t be fooled, this head piece is 100% butter.
If the big guy does become full of green, not even a iron fedora can stop his awkward stomp towards the camera.
One of Frankenstein’s Monster’s uncredited contributions to the lexicon of today’s youth is the term “bat-shit crazy”. One look at the movie below is all you need to understand how this part of the game can’t possibly be labeled as anything but.
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