October 17th, Drac’s Night Out for the NES

Going into this, I had certain expectations about the games that I would be covering. There were certain games I knew I had to talk about. There were characters that I knew would come up one way or another. Frankenstein, the Mummy, Wolf-Man and Dracula were sure to make appearances, not because they are such iconic characters as much as a ton of movies, and thereby crappy licensed games, feature them. Dracula alone could probably fill the entire month himself, with an astounding 9 games being based solely on the early 90s Francis Ford Coppola directed biopic. Mobygames‘ list of games that feature Dracula currently stands at 55. Shifty-five games! As part of my presidential platform, I vow to increase educational spending, put an end to bi-partisan bickering, lower health care costs, reduce taxes, and extend the Halloween season to 55 days.

Now, I’m an old-skool Bela Legosi Dracula fan and cheesy horror flick buff, but nothing could prepare me for the wondrous recockulousness that I stumbled upon on a random emulation web site. This particular game is not contained within Mobygames extensive library, and probably for good reason. There are barely any words capable of describing how I feel about Drac’s Night Out for the original NES, so I’ll make up a new one: euphrapturedise! Never before have two seemingly unconnected things come together in such an orgy of pertinence!

Okay…I need to slow down…my heart is pounding…that last sentence makes no sense. The hyperbole is flowing like Mountain Dew Game Fuel.

Deep breath…

Phew…

Let me think… Is there any way in which Drac’s Night Out could be improved?

HOLYFUCKINGSHIT-PIZZABAND-AID! YEEEESSSSSSSS!

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Sorry.

I’ve come to the conclusion that Drac’s Night Out COULD be better, but only if Count Dracula were to be replaced with Count Duckula.

What’s the point of all this nonsense? Ol’ Drac awakens one night (Though it’s not expressly stated, I think it’s strongly inferred, mostly by me, that it is Halloween night.) to find that his Transylvanian castle has been invaded by delicious mortals hell-bent on destroying him once and for all. Not only that, they tracked mud on his new BETTAN LINJE rug from IKEA. Dr. Acula must use the various Goonies-esque booby traps that litter his castle to immobilize the humans, whom he can subsequently pierce the necks of and drink their precious Game Fuel-esque fluids, vampire-esquely. Let the humans touch you, and it’s game over. It’s a bit disconcerting when an immortal, blood sucking, hypnotist like Dracula can be easily overcome by an 80 year old Transylvanian woman in a head scarf, but, as we learned earlier, video game character head gear can be deceptively cunning. Besides traps, Dracula has one more weapon of justice with which to beat back the human hordes. Take a look at the title screen and see if you notice anything out of place.

Now look again.

Still not clear?

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

What could this possibly mean? I did a double-take. Twice. If the Microsmiths had somehow managed to shoe horn an early 90s shoe fad into a game based on a 19th century vampire, they would be the most powerful force in game design the world has ever known. Then again, how could they go wrong? I mean, I love Reebok Pumps. I love Dracula. This is the game I’ve been waiting my entire life for.

The Reebok power-up lets Dracula run faster, jump higher, and look sexier than ever before. Not since the Bubble Bobble Red Shoe has a pair of footwear changed the course of a battle to the death so swiftly. Witness the power of the Pump as I execute a double-kill on a poor, unsuspecting Grandmother and her boy toy Renaldo. White men can jump, indeed, and the whiter they are, the higher they’ll go.

Unfortunately, while 10 foot jumps are possible with The Pumps, 8 foot falls are, apparently, not. My mind was blown after this one. This COUNTdown could end right now and I’d be totally satisfied. However, my curiosity got the better of me and I had to know more about Drac’s Night Out. One Google search later, and I was staring in the face of another cross promotion that sent even more shivers down my spine.


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One thought on “October 17th, Drac’s Night Out for the NES

  1. Pingback: brianimation.com » Halloween COUNT-down 2009: The greatest pinball ever concieved

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